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You may notice a few changes in your older child's behavior once he or she becomes a sibling. It is common for children to regress to an earlier stage of maturity temporarily. Responding positively as well as recognizing and meeting the child's needs will usually result in a very brief period of adjustment.
Some reactions you may notice from your older child include:
- May want to sleep in baby's crib.
- May verbalize desire to give the baby away.
- May return to thumb sucking.
- May try to push the baby off your lap.
- May want to hold baby, participate in baby's care, and comfort baby. (Or may not want to have anything at all to do with the baby.)
- May want to drink from the breast or bottle.
- May act out in other ways when you are occupied with the baby.
- May have no reaction until baby is older and gets into his/her toys.
- May strike at parents or baby, especially when a parent is holding the new baby.
Oftentimes, the most difficult adjustment for an older sibling is when baby becomes mobile, threatening or intruding in activities and possessions. When your child assumes a baby-like behavior, he may want to experience what the new baby is experiencing and needs to know he is loved and accepted.
Talk to your older child and help him express his feelings. Knowing that you accept his feelings often helps him adjust to the new family member.
A sibling's reaction to the new addition varies. His or her adjustment is usually dependent on your attitude. But, nothing can completely prepare your older child for his or her new role.
Start preparing your older child for changes before you bring home the new baby. The age of your child needs to be considered. Preschool age children should not be told about the new baby too far in advance. Prepare your two-year-old or younger child by keeping everything as "status quo" as possible. Also, don't wait until the last minute to change your older child from a crib to a bed. The transition will be smoother if you make any bed changes early on or following delivery. Avoid making any other drastic changes prior to birth such as potty training or discontinuance of the bottle. When at all possible, don't change your discipline routine just prior to bringing home your new baby.
Other suggestions for making a smooth transition include:
- Involve the older child in caring for the baby as much as possible for his/her age.
- Remind your older child of advantages of being older. (Caution: Don't go overboard on this.)
- Let siblings come to the hospital and visit you first. You should listen and find out how they are, what they have been doing and what they have planned.
- Children should not be sent away to their grandparents' house unless absolutely necessary. This can be mistaken for rejection. Time with grandparents is great, but personal attention from parents is necessary as well.
- Focus on the baby gradually.
Oftentimes, in a child's eyes, having a new baby around means sharing their parents. In adult terms, it could be compared to sharing your spouse with another person. As you can imagine, jealousy, hostility and/or regressive behavior are not unusual. Your love and acceptance coupled with normal discipline is needed. In most cases, time is needed for your older child to adjust.
Breastfeeding
Baby Care
Crying and Stress
Newborn Appearance
Toys and Games
When to Call the Doctor
Older Siblings
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